Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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