dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
