My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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