I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
