Best friends brother. Beat that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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