apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
