my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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