you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
