You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
