That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
