During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
