Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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