I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
