I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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