My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
