my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
