in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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