Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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