I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
