It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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