How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
