What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
