Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
