Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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