they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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