peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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