handjob tips. give me some.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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