dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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