I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
