all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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