so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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