The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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