ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
