Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
