my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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