I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
