i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
