I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
