I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
