have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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