just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
