So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
