Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
