i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
