Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
