I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
