Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
