I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
