And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
