Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
