I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
