i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize