I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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