this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize