Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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