I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
