just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
