hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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