im drinking this country out of the recession.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
