Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
"it" just moved
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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