Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
