I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
