i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
