he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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