Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
