Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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